Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction where Bruce Willis (Butch) sees Marsellus Wallace in the intersection and then proceeds to run over him, you know the one just before they wake the gimp? Well the story I am about to share was my own partial version of that scene, minus a few key stunts.

Yesterday when my family and I were leaving the special services building at Foothills Hospital we were walking in the crosswalk on our way to the parkade when I heard loud obnoxious rap music coming from a car. I turned to see what kind of douche-canoe is cruising through the hospital drop-off circle with open windows blaring rap music. It’s a white Audi Q5, the exact same make and model stolen from my driveway a couple weeks ago. There are literally hundreds of this exact car in Calgary so I thought there’s no way! So I continued through the crosswalk and then watched him pull over and park at the drop-off area across the street. Sure as shit it’s my plate, with the same freaking unique plate holder ffs. I said “Danita, that’s my car!“.
Now as you can imagine there were a lot of thoughts running through my head and chief among them involved inflicting copious amounts of bodily harm. But, I am with my son and wife so we kinda walk down the sidewalk on the other side of the street and I immediately call 911. I let the operator know that I am witness to a crime in progress. Like the cop who took my original statement a few weeks earlier, the operator reiterated that I should not confront or approach the vehicle and assured me that the police were close. Within a couple to five minutes the car pulls away, nobody got in or out of the car so I surreptitiously followed him to see which direction he takes. He turns left and I think well, SHE GONE…again!
We sat down to process what just happened and I continue my conversation with 911 when we see the car come through the circle again. This time, there’s a cruiser following with a car or maybe two between them. As the cop drives by we get his attention and gesture “that’s him, that’s the car” and we get an acknowledgment from the officer.  This time he continues slowly without stopping and the asshat driver of my car once again turns left and the cruiser continues to slowly follow a couple cars behind.
So we sat down again, processing this new data point. I’m now thinking that it looked like we’ll get the car back. Then waddaya know the shit bag passes through again with the cruiser following in the same pattern. I again point and give the “WTF” hands extended shoulders shrugged to the cops. They just kinda look and acknowledge me again. The car turns right this time and the shit-weasel speeds up dramatically while heading toward the 16th avenue exit. The Cop casually turns and slowly follows, they actually came to a complete stop before going over a speed bump while presumably in hot pursuit.
By this time we notice the hawcs helicopter in the air so we figure we’ll go get our rental car from the parkade and with any luck we’ll drive by our car on the side of the road with this 5’1″ shit-stain spread eagle on the hood. So we head home, kinda following the path of the helicopter. I liken this part of our adventure to a scene in my all time favourite movie, Good Fellas, the scene where Henry Hill is being chased by feds in a helicopter. I then realized, my rental car is a white mid-sized BMW and perhaps we were being mistaken for the purp car and I may be the one spread eagle on a car hood. Before I could even conclude that thought I see a call from a private number and I know what that means, it’s the cops.
After a few verifications the officer proceeds to tell me that unfortunately he got away, I said…. “come again, what’s that now?” I was thinking to myself… I just served him up on a platter, you’ve got the bird in the air? I watched the surreal 5 km/hour circular pursuit for 10 minutes – how the fuck did he get away? The officer advises me they can not initiate a high speed chase inside the hospital grounds, which makes total sense. She said they also have strict protocol when it comes to car chases and they will only engage in a chase when they have backup, they hadn’t yet arrived and the helicopter wasn’t able to lock in on him. By the time the cruiser got to the 16th Avenue exit….SHE GONE, again & again.
I hold no ill will toward the cops, imagine if they gave chase and mowed down someone in a wheel chair or a kid being discharged from hospital and people were seriously hurt or killed over a stolen? I was just astonished that we actually ran into our car thief, the cops were in slow motion Duke Boys hot pursuit for 10 minutes and he still got away.
At this point honestly, I don’t want the car back…I just wanted to see that “Affliction shirt wearing”, “No Fear hat on sideways wearing” shitbat wannabe gangsta go to jail.
‘Counting flowers on the wall, it don’t bother me at all….’
Mark Gaudet